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I love Ebay.

I buy and sell my garbage on Ebay.

No just kidding. Ebay is wonderful, I bought my Seiko watch for the price of a real watch, and my cellular phone is still working (I suppose so, cause I didn't get any complaints from the guy who stole it some months ago.)

Some people say you can get rich by using Ebay or any other online auction businesses.

Honestly, I don't believe those guys, but feel free to read these ebooks and try your luck. And if you're lucky, do send me a mail and tell me the secrets that really worked.

And if you want some fun: read the article below.


How To Get Bids Like Crazy!
If first thought the title read "how to get bitten like crazy". (I have a Stafford that likes a well fed postman for breakfast).

eBay Marketing e-Course
"It's a curse to understand but not to feel thy lyrics flow, to comprehend and never loose thy verse". Some W. Sheakespeare wrote these lines in one of his well known not-so-ebooks.

Online Auction Tips and Tricks
Yes, it's all a matter of tricks. It's magic (watch your golden watch...)

How To Increase Auction Profits
Whose profit? Do you know mr. Auction? I do, he still owes me $10.

The truth about Ebay: A real story - and yes he finally sold the item (copied from Ebay)

For any prospective bidders - I have 100% positive feedback so you know my descriptions are good.  I'm trying to describe this item the best I can. 

This Ryobi router table is the worst thing I've ever spent money on.  Period.  I've wasted money on a lot of things in my life: women, cars, other things I didn't need, you name it, but I've never felt like I totally 100% wasted my money on something until I bought this router table.  I've wasted money, but I normally got some sort of satisfaction out of it, no matter how small, I got something out of it  This is the most worthless piece of crap item I have ever had the displeasure of working with in my life.  I have much more colourful ways of describing this but I realize that there may be some kids that will read this so I will try to keep it PG.

It comes complete with most of the crappy accessories it came with.  An example is the plastic pusher miter thingie that's so sloppy that I don't understand why they even bothered making it adjustable.  It's really nice when you're trying to rout something at an angle and it slips in the middle of the cut and jerks the work piece right out of your hands and flings it across the room.  Or the super anti-precision fence that's almost impossible to adjust and keep in place.  Or the slippery painted surface that wears off, exposing the rough surface that mars the work piece as you slide it over. It does come with a power switch that always worked.  I'll give it that. It has a really nice power switch.  Some of the other small items got destroyed in a fit of rage one day after fighting it for a couple of hours.

The best part about this table is that it's a one of a kind.  yep that's right it's a three legged router table.  It became three legged after I was trying to rout something one day and I noticed that the table was moving.  That was from the plastic inserts working loose on the leg mounts.  It was like routing wood on a waterbed.  It was moving back and forth oh I'd say an inch and a half or so.  Well after a few more pieces I'm in the middle of a cut and the leg just fell off.  So I had to stop to keep from losing any fingers, and I tried to beat the inserts back in.  Looked ok so I start making my cut again and would you believe it fell out again?!?!  It's supported by a beer bottle to keep it from falling over while taking the picture.

I am an engineer by trade and I feel sorry for the engineer that was responsible for this marvel of science.  Someone told him to design this thing and not spend any more than $0.65 on it.  So he did it, but I bet he probably lost all self respect for himself after he realized that he just released this miserable failure onto society.  Or maybe he got a big kick out of it and is still laughing I don't know.  I know they suckered me out of my money that's for sure. 

There is a router shown in the picture, the router is not included since it will kind of work most of the time.  This auction is for the table only.  Hell I'll even throw in the beer bottle (not full per eBay standards) if the buyer wants it.  I wouldn't use it as a leg though.

This table comes with no warranty from me.  I never bothered to try to take it back, even though it was under warranty because I was so ticked off that I knew I would create a scene when I threw it through the front window of Home Depot.  So it sat in my basement for a few months, and now you have the opportunity to own this piece of scrap.  If someone had some time they could probably work on it a bit and make it into something that's functional.  Like a doorstop or maybe a paperweight.  But it will need some more work before it's that good.

I accept paypal, cashiers check or money order.  Shipping quoted is parcel post.  If for some reason you would want to receive your misery faster I can do that ask me for a quote. 

Seriously though I have a couple other nice things that I'm selling.  Check em out if you need a saw blade or 1972 Z28 parts.

 ADDED 3/22/04 - I've received some emails, and yes I am willing to set it on fire, shoot it full of holes, etc. and mail pics/video to you.  If the bid gets high enough to cover my ammo costs, I'd be willing to shoot it full of holes with your choice of the following:  12 gage slugs, 00 buck, or a 40 round mag from an AK.  Then I can make a pile of the remains, douse it in gasoline, make the Wile-E-Coyote trail of gas dribbles for my safety, and light it on fire.  The winning bidder would get pics if they so choose.  Or I can ship it to you.  I could even ship you the charred remains if you like.  Hey man I just hate it.  Let me know.  Whatever trips your trigger.

ADDED 3/23/04 - Yes I can drive over it with something.  I can drive over it with a Massey Ferguson 620 CI diesel powered tractor.

On Mar-24-04 at 09:06:41 PST, seller added the following information:

For those who are interested, the bottle does carry a $0.10 Michigan deposit, and it's pre printed for the other standard deposits for other states ($0.05).  So yeah it's like a huge bonus, worth hundreds of times what the table is worth.  Remember - I'm throwing that in for free! 

On Mar-24-04 at 20:59:57 PST, seller added the following information:

Yes the beer bottle is a "double deuce" or a 22 oz ish beer bottle.  Actually it's a Miller Lite 24 oz beer bottle, so that makes it extra rare.  From what I hear there was only somewhere around 42 million of them made this year, so get yours fast!  I suppose it has some additional extra value from a scrap weight aspect, but I think the deposit is the same.  Collector's value had got to be in the hundreds if not thousands of Turkish Liras.

No unfortunately I don't know of any women that are willing to fire the guns naked and send you the pics.  If I did I wouldn't be wasting my time writing this auction, that's for sure.   

The tractor is basically a huge articulating tractor with dual wheels on each corner.  It weighs somewhere around a gazillion pounds.  It's about six times the size of the largest general motors product you can think of.  It's big.  It might take me a couple of weeks to get video etc but yeah I'll send it to you.  Pics/video will be complete with firearms, Ryobi arson and all the profanity you desire, whatever you want.  Again - for Christ's sake the next bid is $0.02, and I'm willing to do all this crap for a penny - the video's got to be worth $5!!!!!!  Bid and tell me what you want!!!!

On Mar-25-04 at 18:31:48 PST, seller added the following information:

Dear davesan455,

I will bid if you place it in a barrel and fill barrel with concrete. I will pay the insurance if you pay the shipping.

um....ok.  I can do that as long as the bid is $1400.

On Mar-25-04 at 19:08:08 PST, seller added the following information:

Why are you restricting shipping to USA only? I would think you should be excited about the possibility of sending it to Iran, or hell or France or something.
Just wondering.

Yet another good idea.  I will ship free to France as long as they surrender.  It doesn't matter who they surrender to, it could be Australia, Bruce Willis, or even McDonalds.  But if they surrender before this auction ends free shipping to France!

Also- Free shipping to any US military base (Iraq, Afghanistan, Korea, Venezuela, Self ridge Air force Base,  etc) upon the following conditions:  The person receiving the router table send clear pictures/video back of the table being destroyed by superior force, i.e. tank shelling, hellfire missile attack, shooting sheet with an anti-aircraft gun, or some sort of awesome display of military power, or even a pic of their whole company dancing around a bonfire which contains the router table.   Three Cheers to the US Military / Coast / National Guard!  I'll drink to that.

On Mar-26-04 at 05:18:33 PST, seller added the following information:

Could I see a picture of it actually ripping something out of someone's hand and tossing it to the other side of the room?
Or better yet an arm off or something?

Sure.  Buy it, and have someone videotape you using it.  Eventually someone's going to lose an appendage.


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